We’re programmed for struggle, why do you make life hard?

Do you catch yourself making life more complicated than it needs to be? Perhaps you turn down help when you desperately need it, or choose the more difficult path when an easier one is available. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone – and there might be more to this pattern than meets the eye.

Many of my clients seem almost magnetically drawn to struggle as a societal human programming pattern. They are so drive in their achiever thread that they are driven by the work hard piece.. The self sabotage comes along when things start to feel easy as its doesnt feel comfortable at all. 

But why do people do this? What drives this peculiar human tendency to complicate their lives?

The comfort of the familiar discomfort

Struggle is our oldest companion. From the moment we’re born – literally pushed from the warm, safe environment of the womb into a world of bright lights and loud noises – life begins with struggle. Our first breath is a struggle. Learning to walk is a struggle. School, relationships, careers… all introduce new forms of struggle.

By the time we reach adulthood, struggle feels normal. It feels right. And therein lies the problem.

When something has been with us for so long, it becomes part of our identity. The struggle becomes comfortable in its familiarity, even as it makes us uncomfortable. We know the rules of struggle. We understand how it works. And so, unconsciously, we recreate conditions of struggle because that’s the devil we know.

The evolutionary programming

Our brains evolved during times when life was genuinely hard. For our ancestors, survival required constant vigilance, planning, and effort. Those who relaxed too much or took life too easily didn’t survive to pass on their genes.

This means we’re literally programmed for struggle. Our brains reward us for overcoming challenges with dopamine hits that make us feel accomplished and worthy. Ever notice how good it feels to finally solve a difficult problem? That’s your ancient survival programming patting you on the back.

The trouble is, we’re no longer living in the same world our brains evolved for. Most of us don’t need to hunt for food or outrun predators. Yet our brains still operate on outdated software that equates struggle with survival and worth.

The social conditioning

Beyond our evolutionary programming, there’s also our social conditioning. From an early age, we’re taught that value comes through effort and struggle:

“No pain, no gain.” “Anything worth having is worth working hard for.” “The harder the battle, the sweeter the victory.”

These beliefs are so deeply ingrained in our collective consciousness that we rarely question them. We’ve built entire economic systems and cultural narratives around the virtue of struggle and the suspicion of ease.

How many times have you felt guilty for taking a break? How often have you judged someone who seemed to have it “too easy”? This isn’t accidental – it’s programming.

When struggle becomes self-sabotage

The problem isn’t struggle itself. Challenges help us grow, learn, and evolve. The problem arises when we unconsciously create unnecessary struggle through self-sabotage.

Here are some common ways this manifests:

• Perfectionism: Setting impossibly high standards that guarantee struggle
• Procrastination: Creating time pressure that forces you to work under stress
• Refusing help: Insisting on doing everything yourself when support is available
• Overcomplicating: Finding the most complex solution to a simple problem
• Staying busy: Filling every moment with activity to avoid rest
• Creating drama: Stirring up conflict in otherwise peaceful situations

Each of these patterns creates struggle where none need exist. And each comes with a story about why the struggle is necessary, virtuous, or unavoidable.

Breaking the pattern

So how do we break free from this programming? How do we allow ourselves to experience ease without triggering our discomfort alarms?

1. Become aware of your struggle patterns

The first step is simply noticing. Pay attention to areas in your life where you consistently create struggle. What stories do you tell yourself about why things must be difficult? What happens when things feel too easy?

Awareness alone can be transformative. Once you see the pattern, you can no longer blindly follow it.

2. Question your struggle beliefs

Challenge the beliefs that equate struggle with worth. Ask yourself:

• Is it true that I must struggle to deserve success?
• Is it true that valuable things only come through hardship?
• What evidence do I have that ease leads to poor outcomes?
• Who taught me these beliefs, and were they thriving?

You might be surprised at how flimsy these beliefs become when directly examined.

3. Practice allowing ease

Start small. Choose one area of your life where you typically create struggle, and experiment with allowing more ease. This might mean:

• Asking for help when you need it
• Taking the simpler approach
• Setting realistic deadlines
• Delegating tasks
• Saying no to additional responsibilities
• Taking breaks before you’re exhausted

Notice what comes up when you do this. Do you feel guilty? Anxious? Undeserving? These feelings are just your programming talking – they’re not truth.

4. Redefine success and value

Create new metrics for success that don’t revolve around struggle. Perhaps success could look like:

• Achieving results while maintaining balance
• Completing tasks with minimal stress
• Finding clever, simple solutions
• Collaborating effectively
• Knowing when to rest

When you change what you value, you change what you create.

5. Rewire your rewards system

Remember that dopamine hit we get from overcoming struggle? You can retrain your brain to release those same feel-good chemicals for different triggers.

Consciously celebrate moments of ease and flow. Acknowledge clever shortcuts. Praise yourself for asking for help. Create new neural pathways that associate positive feelings with ease rather than struggle.

The paradox of struggle

Here’s the fascinating paradox: When we stop creating unnecessary struggle, we become more capable of handling necessary challenges. By conserving our energy and resources, we build resilience for the inevitable difficulties life presents.

Think of it like a marathon runner. They don’t wear weighted boots during the race to make it “more meaningful.” They save their energy for the actual challenge at hand.

In the same way, we can learn to distinguish between growth-producing challenges and self-imposed suffering. We can embrace the former while releasing the latter.

A new relationship with ease

What might your life look like if you allowed things to be easier? If you stopped wearing struggle as a badge of honour? If you measured your worth not by how much you suffer, but by how much you thrive?

Perhaps you’d have more energy for the things that truly matter. Perhaps you’d find creative solutions you couldn’t see when stressed. Perhaps you’d discover that you were worthy all along, struggle or no struggle.

This doesn’t mean your life will suddenly become effortless. Real challenges exist, and meaningful growth often requires grappling with difficulty. But when we stop adding unnecessary struggle to the mix, we can meet life’s genuine challenges with more resources and clarity.

The courage to choose ease

Oddly enough, it takes courage to choose ease, thats why my company is called I Dare To Leap – Leaping takes courage and commitment.. It means questioning deeply held beliefs about who you are and what makes you valuable. It means risking disapproval from a culture that glorifies the hustle. It means trusting that you deserve good things, even when they come easily.

But this courage pays dividends. As you practice allowing ease, you’ll likely find that:

• Your creativity flourishes
• Your relationships deepen
• Your health improves
• Your work becomes more impactful
• Your joy expands

So the next time you catch yourself making life harder than it needs to be, pause. Take a breath. And ask yourself: “What if I allowed this to be easier?”

The answer might just transform your life.

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